Rodney Dangerfield
"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."

Jay Leno
"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."

Samuel Goldwyn
"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead."

Groucho Marx
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

Gorgeous young things gather in Monte Carlo
News of Hugh and Jemima's looming split?

Kurt and Goldie sail 'Poseidon' into London
Nic Cage buying a private island in Bahamas?

George Strait Ropes Honorary TSU Degree
SAN MARCOS, Texas—Country music superstar George Strait has roped an honorary degree. Strait was given an honorary doctorate of humane letters by his alma mater, Texas State University, in a private ceremony Friday. He graduated in 1979 with a

Brazilian bed advertisment
Brazilian bed advertisment, submitted by Des on Tue 23 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 4 out of 5.

Get on with it!
Get on with it!, submitted by Alan Crosskill on Tue 23 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 2 out of 5.

1,212 pound Mexican
1,212 pound Mexican, submitted by Joseph Andrew Sumner on Thu 18 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 4 out of 5.

Disruption on the green
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Protests expected as Da Vinci Code opens…
Protests expected as Da Vinci Code opens…, submitted by adamreid on Sat 20 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Jay Leno
"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."

Dave Barry
"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."

Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I have a love interest in every one of my films – a gun."

Dan Quayle
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

Will Rogers
"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."

Dave Barry
"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."

Dan Quayle
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."

BC Senior Class Apologizes to Rice, Awards Her Golden Scepter
Chestnut Hill, MA (Rotters) – Hours after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's commencement address at Boston College was met with protest, the graduating senior class attempted to make amends. In a small ceremony afterwards, they awarded Ms.

Bad Poetry Contest
Wednesday, May 24, 2006 07:28:19 AM CONTEST Bad Poetry Contest Yes, we're offering a very good prize to the person who can send us something very bad.

God Admits He's Addicted To Babies
God Admits He's Addicted To Babies Thursday, May 25, 2006 Wednesday, May 24, 2006 Onion Radio News From Issue 42"20 Tuesday, May 23, 2006 Monday, May 22, 2006 Sunday, May 21, 2006 Saturday, May 20, 2006 Friday, May 19, 2006 Thursday, May 18,

Council Job Application
Council Job Application, submitted by Rob Lane on Sat 24 Dec 2005 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Rachel Gets Fruity!
Rachel Gets Fruity!, submitted by ianwinter on Wed 08 Jun 2005 23:32:00. Average rating is 4 out of 5.

Vanishing dots
Vanishing dots, submitted by adamreid on Fri 24 Jun 2005 09:55:51. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Ask the convict
Ask the convict, submitted by Chieffreak on Mon 15 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Patient breaks wind in surgery
Patient breaks wind in surgery, submitted by adamreid on Thu 11 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

'Creative plumbing'delivers beer
'Creative plumbing' delivers beer, submitted by adamreid on Tue 14 Mar 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Camel toads
Camel toads, submitted by adamreid on Wed 03 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Teacher Accused Of Giving Wedgie
Teacher Accused Of Giving Wedgie, submitted by adamreid on Fri 07 Apr 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 2 out of 5.

Man offers dead squirrel
Man offers dead squirrel, submitted by Joseph Andrew Sumne on Tue 09 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 4 out of 5.

Corporate Tattoos
Corporate Tattoos, submitted by ianwinter on Wed 02 Apr 2003 00:00:00. Average rating is 2 out of 5.

Bank Teller Fees
Bank Teller Fees, submitted by ianwinter on Wed 02 Apr 2003 00:00:00. Average rating is 2 out of 5.

Pet Tax
Pet Tax, submitted by ianwinter on Wed 02 Apr 2003 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Office Pranks – Lumpyporridge.com
Office Pranks – Lumpyporridge.com, submitted by ianwinter on Sat 29 Mar 2003 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Man's apartment encased in aluminum foil
Man's apartment encased in aluminum foil, submitted by adamreid on Fri 09 Jan 2004 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Woman's wheelchair motorway journey
Woman's wheelchair motorway journey, submitted by adamreid on Wed 22 Feb 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

50 million in used notes
50 million in used notes, submitted by Des on Wed 01 Mar 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

Camel toads
Camel toads, submitted by adamreid on Wed 03 May 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.

German sues Easter Bunny
German sues Easter Bunny, submitted by adamreid on Thu 13 Apr 2006 00:00:00. Average rating is 3 out of 5.